Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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