its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
