We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
