we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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