a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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