You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
