I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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