Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
