yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
