her vagine was all disorganized.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize