Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
People in love make me want to vomit
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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