Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize