Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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