perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
