her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
