I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
