My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
