I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
