I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
