I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
