dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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