I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
