She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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