Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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