I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
