I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize