I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
