Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
