Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
