at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
