there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
