dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize