You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
