This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
