Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
