This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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