She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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