We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
