What did we do last night that was yellow?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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