Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
