I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
