I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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