I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
