i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize