Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
