I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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