I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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