Got a toothbrush?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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