I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
your like the ambassador to my penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
