This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
