why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
