I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
