ugly people sure do ruin things
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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