it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
