I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
