I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
