saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
