Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
