Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need a burrito and a hug.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
