i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
