I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
