i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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