I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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