Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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