i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
