shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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