I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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