So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize